Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 27

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Is it me or do college students always take any advantage they can to get a class cancelled?

Declan and Darnella return.  A shameless plug for bookshelfbattle.com ensues.

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Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 26

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So, here’s the thing.

Comedy allows me to break the rules.  In reality, I don’t think the FBI or police or any law enforcement body would be able to treat Freddie like he’s being treated here.

I’m not saying that cops don’t cut corners but just not to this extent.

But, you laughed right?  And Freddie’s a geek and a perv so it’s ok, right?

Eh…that’s something to think about.  Had I written the scene differently and it was an 80 year old tee totaling minister being attacked by Gordon, you’d be outraged but Freddie’s a scumbag so it’s funny.

And it is funny but we have to keep in mind that everyone has rights regardless of how nice or scummy they may be.

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 24

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Is it safe to shit?
Ahh, the media has a knack for scaring the crap out of us, or in this case, scaring the crap into us, because in the wake of NN1’s toilet killer coverage, everyone is now afraid to go to the bathroom to drop off a doody.
What say you, reader? Would you brave the bowl to evacuate your bowels if a toilet killer were on the loose?

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Network News One Transcript #4

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Panic loud. Panic early. Panic often.  Keep your TV glued to NN1.  Buy our sponsors’ products.

That’s NN1’s mantra and you can tell Kurt is really hamming the toilet killer fiasco up, doing his best to scare people into thinking they’ll die on the can if they don’t keep their eyes on NN1.

In real life, do you think the major cable news networks would treat a toilet killer story like this? Yeah, I do too.

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 22

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Being evil is complicated.

As Norm MacDonald reminds us, Hitler was nice to his dogs.  He was evil to everyone else, especially the Jews, but boy, his dogs sure did get lots of pets and hugs and treats from der fuhrer.

I bet Darth Vader had a parakeet or a kitty or a bunny or something too.

Mayor Dufresne has a son.  And he’s trying his best.  As he explains, when Buford turned 18, the mayor felt so bad about being an absentee father that he let his son move into his mansion, paid all of his bills and bought him the best gadgets and gizmos.

The mayor thought he was making an investment.  Help his son with his finances today and the boy will concentrate on bettering himself, becoming a titan of industry tomorrow, a credit to the family name.

Unfortunately, as the mayor realizes, the boy never had to scrap.  Never had to struggle.  Never wanted for anything.  He just thought money came from his father in unlimited supply, so he just parked himself in front of the TV, played video games, ate potato chips and drank soda.

Oh Buford.  The product of an illicit champagne room tryst between a shady used car salesman and a depraved stripper.  That’s sure to go well.

But even a broken clock is right twice a day.  The mayor realizes the error of his ways.  He kicks his son out.  No more free stuff.  Get out there, earn a living on your own, realize how hard the world is through experience.  Toughen up.

The mayor is mean about doing it, but he’s not wrong either.

Sidenote: if you’re a younger person reading this, and shame on you if you are, please close this site and pick up a bible immediately, do make every effort to leave home and get out on your own when you turn 18 or as close as possible thereafter.

You love your parents and get along? Great. Know you can always visit.  Stay a weekend.  Stay a week.  Stay a month.  Just have your own space.  Have your little slice of the world where you can make your own decisions.  Don’t assume your relationship with the rents will still be good in ten years.

Living at home for a few years while you work and bank money?  Good idea.  Save and invest.  But do get out.  I know that’s harder than ever.  College degrees are a dime a dozen. Jobs are hard to come by. Home prices are crazy.  Still, just get out ASAP.

Living at home while you figure out your life for 5, 10, 15 years?  Stop.  You’re not that deep a thinker.  You are a Buford.  You’ve gotten too comfortable.  Mom and Dad won’t be alive forever and honestly, the older they get, the harder they will be to deal with.  Life is kind of a raw deal and the closet you get to making the ultimate pay out (i.e. you had your fun but now it’s time to die) the more those wonderful, loving parents will turn into colossal pains in the ass.

You just don’t want to be around any of that.  Help them when they can’t help themselves? Sure.  Be around for a front row seat to it? Now.  You don’t have time for that.

 

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 22

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Sometimes its fun to peak behind the curtain and find out what makes the villain tick.

Mayor Dufresne is proud of himself.  Proud of his car lot.  Proud that he came from nothing but worked his way into becoming a rich man.  His got a big mouth that he uses to beat everyone around him into submission, but he isn’t without a soft underbelly.  Clearly, wonky eyed Carl is the son that the mayor wish he had and he admires the young man, even though he berates him about his eye on occasion.

We also learn the mayor has a son and takes no pride in him whatsoever.

The commercial is just priceless.  The mayor is surrounded by incompetence.