Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 33

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Does Cole really have a tiny peen?  The world may never know.  How would the mayor know?

Boy, that Angry Barracuda sure does pack a wallop.

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Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 28

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Have you ever been to a strip club and there’s that one stripper who never got the memo that there’s a time limit on stripping?  Poor thing.  Didn’t invest her stripper dollars wisely and now she’s still there, running around, trying to sell discount lap dances that come with tales about how she once stripped for Dwight D. Eisenhower?

She’s probably lying.  Ike would never partake in such evil doings.

Anyway, that’s Old Roxy in a nutshell.

Sigh.  When you need glucosamine-chondroitin for your joints, you know it’s over.  Oh, cruel world!

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Network News One Transcript #4

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Panic loud. Panic early. Panic often.  Keep your TV glued to NN1.  Buy our sponsors’ products.

That’s NN1’s mantra and you can tell Kurt is really hamming the toilet killer fiasco up, doing his best to scare people into thinking they’ll die on the can if they don’t keep their eyes on NN1.

In real life, do you think the major cable news networks would treat a toilet killer story like this? Yeah, I do too.

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 22

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Being evil is complicated.

As Norm MacDonald reminds us, Hitler was nice to his dogs.  He was evil to everyone else, especially the Jews, but boy, his dogs sure did get lots of pets and hugs and treats from der fuhrer.

I bet Darth Vader had a parakeet or a kitty or a bunny or something too.

Mayor Dufresne has a son.  And he’s trying his best.  As he explains, when Buford turned 18, the mayor felt so bad about being an absentee father that he let his son move into his mansion, paid all of his bills and bought him the best gadgets and gizmos.

The mayor thought he was making an investment.  Help his son with his finances today and the boy will concentrate on bettering himself, becoming a titan of industry tomorrow, a credit to the family name.

Unfortunately, as the mayor realizes, the boy never had to scrap.  Never had to struggle.  Never wanted for anything.  He just thought money came from his father in unlimited supply, so he just parked himself in front of the TV, played video games, ate potato chips and drank soda.

Oh Buford.  The product of an illicit champagne room tryst between a shady used car salesman and a depraved stripper.  That’s sure to go well.

But even a broken clock is right twice a day.  The mayor realizes the error of his ways.  He kicks his son out.  No more free stuff.  Get out there, earn a living on your own, realize how hard the world is through experience.  Toughen up.

The mayor is mean about doing it, but he’s not wrong either.

Sidenote: if you’re a younger person reading this, and shame on you if you are, please close this site and pick up a bible immediately, do make every effort to leave home and get out on your own when you turn 18 or as close as possible thereafter.

You love your parents and get along? Great. Know you can always visit.  Stay a weekend.  Stay a week.  Stay a month.  Just have your own space.  Have your little slice of the world where you can make your own decisions.  Don’t assume your relationship with the rents will still be good in ten years.

Living at home for a few years while you work and bank money?  Good idea.  Save and invest.  But do get out.  I know that’s harder than ever.  College degrees are a dime a dozen. Jobs are hard to come by. Home prices are crazy.  Still, just get out ASAP.

Living at home while you figure out your life for 5, 10, 15 years?  Stop.  You’re not that deep a thinker.  You are a Buford.  You’ve gotten too comfortable.  Mom and Dad won’t be alive forever and honestly, the older they get, the harder they will be to deal with.  Life is kind of a raw deal and the closet you get to making the ultimate pay out (i.e. you had your fun but now it’s time to die) the more those wonderful, loving parents will turn into colossal pains in the ass.

You just don’t want to be around any of that.  Help them when they can’t help themselves? Sure.  Be around for a front row seat to it? Now.  You don’t have time for that.

 

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 22

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Sometimes its fun to peak behind the curtain and find out what makes the villain tick.

Mayor Dufresne is proud of himself.  Proud of his car lot.  Proud that he came from nothing but worked his way into becoming a rich man.  His got a big mouth that he uses to beat everyone around him into submission, but he isn’t without a soft underbelly.  Clearly, wonky eyed Carl is the son that the mayor wish he had and he admires the young man, even though he berates him about his eye on occasion.

We also learn the mayor has a son and takes no pride in him whatsoever.

The commercial is just priceless.  The mayor is surrounded by incompetence.

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 20

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I love this chapter.

I love the dynamic between Cole and Maude.  Both are bitter and pissed.  Cole feels old because he just turned 40.  Maude is 63, a reminder that it could be worse.

As we read the exchange, we get the idea that a) both have been squeezed through the ringer of life and come out the end wiser yet, in the immortal words of Kelly Clarkson, “less willing to stray far from the sidewalk.”  They’ve been beaten down hard by life but… b) they don’t throw pity parties.  Well, they do but they don’t share it.  They don’t seek attention from others.  Look at me, feel sorry for me, pay attention to me…no, you won’t find them begging for sympathy.

Maude is the one person who can get Cole to flash a rare smile and to open up a little bit about the emotions he’s feeling inside.  You get the impression this is a quasi-mother/son relationship and both care about the other quite a bit without getting all mushy about it.

We learn that Cole has conquered a drinking problem brought about by the loss of his ex-wife.  We learn that Cole has a prosthetic leg which should hopefully serve as a catalyst to get readers to want to read more and find out how that happened.

Also, we learn that Cole’s favorite pastime is big game hunting.  He’s not shooting squirrels.  He’s shooting big, angry animals who could easily claw him apart and eat him for dinner.  Why does he do this?