Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 1

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And now it begins!

I have to give it to Natalie Brock.  She has a lot of chutzpah.  If you want to make it in journalism, you have to go up against dicks like Countess Cucamonga’s manager, Irving St. John.  What a weasel.

Here, I’m also lampooning celebrities who act like they are able to change the world just because they, as a famous person, are saying something.  Is it because they care or is it because they want the exposure necessary to keep their careers going?

Well, you be the judge.  Frankly, I think the Countess makes a good argument vis a vis her butt’s ability to bring about world peace.

What do you think about the prospects of butt peace?  Discuss in the comments.

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Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Network News One – Transcript #1

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One of the characters in this book is Natalie Brock, an average looking woman trying to make it in a field filled with beautiful made for TV types.

If you’re a news junkie like me, you’ll know there’s one network that features a whole lot of blonde, ample bosomed reporter ladies.  Not that it’s easy to get on any network these days unless you look like a model, but one network in particular really went all in on this one.

No offense to the ladies on this network, but I tend to find they are all interchangeable.  I never remember their names.  I’m not sure most viewers do either.  Thus, in my mind, Network News One was born and became the network that local affiliate channel reporter Natalie is trying to break into.

You’ll notice in this transcript (actually, not yet but more so as the story moves along) that all the female reporters on this network are referred to “Hot Ass Blonde Chick with Big Titties.”

Literally.  That’s what they are called by anchorman Kurt Manley.  “For more on this story, let’s go to a hot ass blonde chick with big titties.”

That’s how they refer to themselves.  “Hello, Kurt.  A hot ass blonde chick with big titties here at the…”

That’s pretty much the joke.  There are so many hot blonde big breasted women on this channel that you get lost in all the blonde hair and big boobs and you forget their names altogether.  At least I do.  Poor Natalie. She will have her work cut out for her.

We’re introduced to Kurt Manley, who, well, is a bit of a dick.  I’ll go more into him in future notes.

We’re also introduced to Countess Cucamonga, a famous pop star known for her fabulous butt.  There was a year this decade, I want to say it might have been 2014, where there were so many butt songs.

Jason Derulo singing, “You know what to do with that big fat butt.”

Iggy and J-Lo doing their Gen-X/millennial butt duel.

Don’t even get me started on Nicki Minaj’s butt.

And more.  The butt songs have really been cranking out this decade.  So, I let Countess Cucamonga get in on the fun.

Got any questions or comments about this transcript?  Leave them in the comments.

Toilet Gator Chapter Notes

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Hey 3.5 readers (assuming my 3.5 readers from bookshelfbattle.com followed me over here.)

I’m in the final lap of getting Toilet Gator ready for self-publication.  The final draft is with my editor as we speak, and I hope to have this book out next year.

In the meantime, I’m giving my final draft one more look-over, in the hopes I might find and fix those little things that drive us writers crazy.  Truly, a scribe’s work is never done.  In fact, “last draft” might be a misnomer as I’m sure I’ll be going over the draft again and again before my editor gives me the final copy and I throw it up on Amazon.

As I check the draft, I’m going to write some notes on each chapter.  You won’t really know what these notes mean because you haven’t read the book yet.  However, when you do read the book, you’ll be able to stop by and find out what I was thinking when I wrote this book.

Then again, the book is about a murderous toilet gator who eats people on the toilet while they are pooping, so maybe you don’t want any insights as to whatever deep, dark region of my brain this idea poured out of.