Toilet Gator Chapter Notes – Chapter 22


Being evil is complicated.

As Norm MacDonald reminds us, Hitler was nice to his dogs.  He was evil to everyone else, especially the Jews, but boy, his dogs sure did get lots of pets and hugs and treats from der fuhrer.

I bet Darth Vader had a parakeet or a kitty or a bunny or something too.

Mayor Dufresne has a son.  And he’s trying his best.  As he explains, when Buford turned 18, the mayor felt so bad about being an absentee father that he let his son move into his mansion, paid all of his bills and bought him the best gadgets and gizmos.

The mayor thought he was making an investment.  Help his son with his finances today and the boy will concentrate on bettering himself, becoming a titan of industry tomorrow, a credit to the family name.

Unfortunately, as the mayor realizes, the boy never had to scrap.  Never had to struggle.  Never wanted for anything.  He just thought money came from his father in unlimited supply, so he just parked himself in front of the TV, played video games, ate potato chips and drank soda.

Oh Buford.  The product of an illicit champagne room tryst between a shady used car salesman and a depraved stripper.  That’s sure to go well.

But even a broken clock is right twice a day.  The mayor realizes the error of his ways.  He kicks his son out.  No more free stuff.  Get out there, earn a living on your own, realize how hard the world is through experience.  Toughen up.

The mayor is mean about doing it, but he’s not wrong either.

Sidenote: if you’re a younger person reading this, and shame on you if you are, please close this site and pick up a bible immediately, do make every effort to leave home and get out on your own when you turn 18 or as close as possible thereafter.

You love your parents and get along? Great. Know you can always visit.  Stay a weekend.  Stay a week.  Stay a month.  Just have your own space.  Have your little slice of the world where you can make your own decisions.  Don’t assume your relationship with the rents will still be good in ten years.

Living at home for a few years while you work and bank money?  Good idea.  Save and invest.  But do get out.  I know that’s harder than ever.  College degrees are a dime a dozen. Jobs are hard to come by. Home prices are crazy.  Still, just get out ASAP.

Living at home while you figure out your life for 5, 10, 15 years?  Stop.  You’re not that deep a thinker.  You are a Buford.  You’ve gotten too comfortable.  Mom and Dad won’t be alive forever and honestly, the older they get, the harder they will be to deal with.  Life is kind of a raw deal and the closet you get to making the ultimate pay out (i.e. you had your fun but now it’s time to die) the more those wonderful, loving parents will turn into colossal pains in the ass.

You just don’t want to be around any of that.  Help them when they can’t help themselves? Sure.  Be around for a front row seat to it? Now.  You don’t have time for that.


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